I actually can’t identify the exact moment it happened, and this surprises me.  All my life I thought it would be like my own personal big bang, like a giant, bright explosion where I would just suddenly feel enlightened. And happy.

What I can identify, however, are the things that lead me here.  To this happiness.  To this budding relationship with my Spirit Guides and God.

I’ve always felt a connection to the spirit realm but 1. It terrified me, because of ghosts, obviously, and 2. I have spent much of my life trying to erase the “different” from my personality in an attempt to fit in with “normal.”  Recently, though, after becoming a mom and leaving my corporate job to work from home, I found myself not giving a shit about whether or not people found me odd.  So, when I got some encouragement from my husband to get out of the house and do something for me, I signed up for a local psychic development class through my town’s adult education program.

It was a lovely experience with some interesting people, but not interesting or stimulating enough to get me to stick with it.  I also found out I was pregnant with baby number two and was always exhausted after simultaneously working and taking care of my exuberant toddler all day.  However, it is through the few classes that I did make it to, that I had my first distant interactions with my spirit guides.  It wasn’t anything spectacular because I couldn’t stay focused, and probably just wasn’t ready, but looking back, it was an extremely important introduction.

Weeks later, I experienced the worst moment of my life- a miscarriage.  I was “only” twelve weeks pregnant but the physical and emotional pain of giving birth to a dead child, no matter how far along you might be, it’s something that no woman wants to endure.  I decided long before this pregnancy that if I were ever to miscarry, I would do so naturally, and I did.  After it had happened, I numbed my whole self with the pain killers they prescribed, something I would never even think of taking in other situations, and disappeared into my bed.  When the painkillers ran out, I had nightmares and flashbacks of my beautiful, perfect, deceased baby for another couple of weeks.

The day after Christmas, I cried for 12 straight hours.  The wall I had put up in an attempt to keep a smile on my face over the last two days of family parties collapsed on top of me, and I laid trapped underneath with all of my sorrow.  We’d had plans, but I knew I couldn’t interact with anyone so my husband and daughter left without me for the day.  I sobbed and moaned from the moment they left until I fell asleep that night.

When I got out of bed the next morning, I finally turned my face up to the sky and asked for some help.  I never considered myself a religious person, but it was the last idea I had left.

Slowly, with the help of my partner, my 15-month-old daughter, and close family, I started to wake up.  I felt myself changing without ever making the decision to; it just happened.  Suddenly, I was in therapy, practicing yoga in the morning, journaling, and meditating.  And when I mean meditating, I mean meditating for an hour straight.  In all previous attempts throughout my life, I maybe made it ten minutes without totally screwing up.

Now, beautiful things just keep coming.  First, it was random “recommended groups” on Facebook.  Then, for the first time, my spirit guides spoke to me during a meditation and gifted me with three key works- calm, open, and powerful.  I started pulling an oracle card each morning, I smudged my house with sage, and finally started waking up happy and staying happy all day.  As someone who has always struggled with chronic anxiety and bouts of paralyzing depression, this is like an entirely new life for me.

After years of looking for my spirituality, trying yoga, attempting to meditate, all rather unsuccessfully, it finally just started clicking.  Sure, I had read in all the books to just “trust in fate” and “let the universe take over,” but I’m a Virgo.  I’m a perfectionist and a control freak.   I needed to let go of my “I can do everything myself” mentality and ask for some freaking assistance.

I had spent my entire life acting like my stubborn toddler trying to put on her pants by herself. I was trying and trying to reach this enlightened moment, getting more and more frustrated with my situation, all while God and my Spirit Guides patiently sat watching, and waiting for me to ask them for help.

It took my lowest moment to get me to this beautiful life… But I am so thankful to be here. Finally.

So, if you’re struggling to get clear, get focused, and get on the right path, maybe you should try asking for some help.  Your Spirit Guides are waiting.